The Struggle of Chasing My Dreams in Forestry: A Frustration I Can’t Shake

I never imagined that my love for nature and my passion for forestry would leave me feeling stuck and helpless. As a girl studying forestry, I thought my path was clear finish my degree, get a job, and make a difference in the world by protecting and preserving the environment. But reality has been much harsher than I expected.

After graduating, I eagerly started applying for jobs, but each door I knocked on seemed to remain closed. Over time, I began to realize a bitter truth: it’s not just about your qualifications, but who you know. Nepotism and power have cast a dark shadow over the opportunities I once thought I’d have. It’s frustrating beyond words. Seeing others, who perhaps didn’t work as hard or have the same dedication, get ahead simply because of their connections feels like a slap in the face.

What hurts more is that i made a conscious decision to try and do something meaningful in my own country. Many of my peers sought opportunities abroad, but i chose to stay here, believing i could make a difference in the land i love. I wanted to help preserve our forests, contribute to the conservation efforts, and inspire change from within. But this system, tainted by favoritism and power plays, has made it feel like my dreams are slipping further away. Sometimes i wonder if i should have considered going abroad after all. Maybe things would be easier if i had left, but my heart is still rooted in my country.

I keep telling myself, “Stay focused, don’t give up,” but as the days turn into months and the months into years, my patience is running thin. I’ve been preparing for the government exams, hoping that this path will finally offer me a way out of this limbo. But until now, success has eluded me. Each time I sit for an exam, I enter with hope, only to be met with disappointment when the results come in. The waiting is excruciating. The pressure to succeed weighs heavily on my chest, and the fear of failing again sends me into a panic.

Sometimes, it feels like I’m drowning. The longer I wait, the more my self-confidence begins to crack. I wonder if my hard work, my passion, even matters in a world that rewards connections over effort. The panic sets in late at night when I lie awake thinking about the future success, what if I never succeed? What if the path I’ve chosen leads to nowhere? I think about all the sacrifices I’ve made and feel the weight of it all pressing down.

People tell me, “Don’t worry, your time will come,” but it’s hard to hold on to that when the system seems rigged against you. I didn’t expect the world of forestry to be so clouded by politics and power, where even protecting nature becomes secondary to protecting personal interests.

But deep down, I know that giving up is not an option. Yes, I’m frustrated. Yes, I panic about what the future holds. But my passion for nature and the forests that I love keeps me going. Despite the unfairness, despite the setbacks, I refuse to let this broken system break me.

To anyone out there going through a similar struggle whether it's trying to get a job, passing an exam, or just feeling stuck I want to say, you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel frustrated, to feel lost, and to even panic. But let’s hold on to the hope that our hard work and passion will eventually open the right door. Until then, we keep pushing forward, no matter how hard it gets.

If you're also a quiet soul chasing your dream, know that you're not alone. Let’s keep walking even slowly, even silently.

Depressed girl